Healing Music

Recently I had a bad week. I can't exactly express how bad it was without revealing everything that was wrong with it, but let's just say it sucked. I had an issue with my health. Bad. I had an issue with my job. Bad. I had an issue with my family. Bad.

I was depressed. I was lonely. I was lost. I was angry.

Part of me wanted to stay angry. Make a point. Show those causing stress in my life that they were destroying me. Get sympathy. I made a half-hearted prayer. "Lord, take my anger. Take my worry."

I had obligations at work that I couldn't skip, though I sorely wanted to. Most inconvenient of all, I had a concert with my students. I had to stand up in front of hundreds of people and pretend that everything was okay.

I dolled myself up then fought back tears as I drove to school. I hurried to be ready. I avoided talking to people as much as possible, merely answering questions and giving directions without chit-chatting.

Finally, I crossed the front of the stage and stepped up to the mic. I pasted on a smile and introduced the jazz band. I turned to my students. "One...two...one, two, ready, and..." The music started. I swayed to the beat. I cued entrances. I acknowledged soloists. They performed well.

Song number two. The blues. Wow they played well. My mood perked slightly.

Last song. Upbeat. I danced along. The end. Applause.

I left the stage a different person than when I entered. A couple more ensembles performed. My mood stayed lifted. I made jokes at the microphone.

Show over, I received congratulations. The shadow of anger lingered. It was awkward trying to smile up close and personal. It was easier smiling to the darkened theater. Yet, the healing process had begun. The day after, less angry. Another day, another smile. Thus is the healing power of music.


You can read more about my depression journey in these related posts.