I Lost NaNoWriMo On Purpose
I had high hopes for this year's NaNoWriMo. That's National Novel Writing Month. Draft a novel (or at least 50,000 words of it) in the 30 days of November. But towards the end, I decided I needed to lose this year.
A few years ago, I lost NaNoWriMo with a book about a crush. I didn't even get halfway through the 50k words needed to win. It took over six months to hit 50k. But the book meandered and really had no way to end properly. Over the next couple of years, I tried reworking the story with some beta reader feedback. I rewrote the beginning at least five times. But still, it wasn't coming together.
This year, I decided I needed professional help and hired a writing coach (it was sort of by accident, but a happy accident). My coach helped me work on outlining a rewrite of the crush book. She helped me understand concepts like motivation and stakes and helped me define them in my outline. I wrote yet another first chapter and got her feedback and encouragement. I was ready to go for NaNoWriMo!
November first, I had a pretty good first day of writing. I had a solid first and second chapter. I quickly lost motivation. I kept going back to picture book editing, writing, critiquing, brainstorming. I worried that maybe I'd lost my knack for novels. That I was officially a picture book writer.
I didn't want to give up just yet, but I also didn't want to get too far behind in word count. I went to my old draft of the crush story and copy-pasted a chapter. It needed reworked for the new story, so I edited it and felt comfortable claiming those words for NaNoWriMo. I forced myself to write some words, but each new day I was met with lack of motivation. I copy-pasted more chapters I knew would still work in the rewrite. Mid month, I still had barely written any new words, but I forced myself every day to edit the old and try to add a few new.
When the end of the month neared, I had over 40,000 words. But probably 80% or more were not new words. I didn't have time to write more words. I had already cheated with the copy-pasting. I decided the official "win" wouldn't feel right. I decided not to stress over it, and just keep working on the rewrite into December.
I know I could make excuses. My 15 month old daughter doesn't give me much down time to write. Even the after-bedtime writing time I usually get, wasn't happening this month because of the fussy toddler who didn't want to go to sleep. The writing I usually get done during my lunch break didn't happen. However, a lot of it was my fault. I actually had time. My mind just wasn't in it.
Some of it was lack of confidence. Early in the month, I found out that my kid story wasn't selected in a contest. Later, I found out some of my poetry wasn't accepted for an anthology. I also got a critique back from an editor that had a lot of "red ink". There were a few times I thought I might be slipping back into some depression (that I haven't experienced much of in the past two years). Luckily the writing community is super supportive and my critique partners kept me going. I think another part of it was that I take time to get my mind in gear, but my writing moments were scattered through the day and I couldn't focus (though it was perfect for picture books).
Now we're in December. I haven't looked at my novel rewrite hardly at all. I've done a lot of picture book stuff. Maybe this just isn't the time for a novel while my kids are little and my time is scattered. Maybe I'm officially a picture book writer that occasionally dabbles in novels (rather than the other way around like it used to be). The good news is that I'm still writing. I do something writing related every day. All of my free time is devoted to writing. I'm still a writer. I can feel good about that. And I've made baby steps toward my writing goals. I lost NaNoWriMo, but I'm still going.
A few years ago, I lost NaNoWriMo with a book about a crush. I didn't even get halfway through the 50k words needed to win. It took over six months to hit 50k. But the book meandered and really had no way to end properly. Over the next couple of years, I tried reworking the story with some beta reader feedback. I rewrote the beginning at least five times. But still, it wasn't coming together.
This year, I decided I needed professional help and hired a writing coach (it was sort of by accident, but a happy accident). My coach helped me work on outlining a rewrite of the crush book. She helped me understand concepts like motivation and stakes and helped me define them in my outline. I wrote yet another first chapter and got her feedback and encouragement. I was ready to go for NaNoWriMo!
November first, I had a pretty good first day of writing. I had a solid first and second chapter. I quickly lost motivation. I kept going back to picture book editing, writing, critiquing, brainstorming. I worried that maybe I'd lost my knack for novels. That I was officially a picture book writer.I didn't want to give up just yet, but I also didn't want to get too far behind in word count. I went to my old draft of the crush story and copy-pasted a chapter. It needed reworked for the new story, so I edited it and felt comfortable claiming those words for NaNoWriMo. I forced myself to write some words, but each new day I was met with lack of motivation. I copy-pasted more chapters I knew would still work in the rewrite. Mid month, I still had barely written any new words, but I forced myself every day to edit the old and try to add a few new.
When the end of the month neared, I had over 40,000 words. But probably 80% or more were not new words. I didn't have time to write more words. I had already cheated with the copy-pasting. I decided the official "win" wouldn't feel right. I decided not to stress over it, and just keep working on the rewrite into December.
I know I could make excuses. My 15 month old daughter doesn't give me much down time to write. Even the after-bedtime writing time I usually get, wasn't happening this month because of the fussy toddler who didn't want to go to sleep. The writing I usually get done during my lunch break didn't happen. However, a lot of it was my fault. I actually had time. My mind just wasn't in it.Some of it was lack of confidence. Early in the month, I found out that my kid story wasn't selected in a contest. Later, I found out some of my poetry wasn't accepted for an anthology. I also got a critique back from an editor that had a lot of "red ink". There were a few times I thought I might be slipping back into some depression (that I haven't experienced much of in the past two years). Luckily the writing community is super supportive and my critique partners kept me going. I think another part of it was that I take time to get my mind in gear, but my writing moments were scattered through the day and I couldn't focus (though it was perfect for picture books).
Now we're in December. I haven't looked at my novel rewrite hardly at all. I've done a lot of picture book stuff. Maybe this just isn't the time for a novel while my kids are little and my time is scattered. Maybe I'm officially a picture book writer that occasionally dabbles in novels (rather than the other way around like it used to be). The good news is that I'm still writing. I do something writing related every day. All of my free time is devoted to writing. I'm still a writer. I can feel good about that. And I've made baby steps toward my writing goals. I lost NaNoWriMo, but I'm still going.
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